Contracts are an integral part of any BDSM relationship, and DD/LG is no different. With the exchange of power present in these relationships, it’s often left up to the dominant partner to plan out how any scenes will go. That’s why it’s incredibly important for them to know exactly how far they can take any chosen activities. Negotiating a successful contract will give the Little the opportunity to lay out her personal ground rules, as well as giving her Caregiver a better idea of what they want to get out of the relationship.
What Goes into a DD/LG Contract?
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Each contract will be individual and unique to each couple, so there’s no true one size fits all contract you can use. The most important part is negotiating what is and isn’t on the table and being as thorough as possible to avoid any uncertain situations. While the details of each contract can vary massively, there are usually a few key pieces of information that every good contract should cover. These are:
- Safe Words/Signs: No matter what form your relationship is going to take, the safe words are the single most important thing that need to be worked out in advance. The safe word gives the Little a way out of any uncomfortable situation and a clear signal to the Caregiver that what is happening is not okay. The caregiver must give complete submission to the safe words, even if the Little can’t explain why they needed to stop an activity at the time. Colours are commonly used as safe words and many couples will have two, a hard stop word and a slow-down word.
- STIs/STDs/Contagious Diseases: If your relationship is going to involve any fluid bonding or unprotected sexual activity, then it is incredibly important to disclose this information honestly and completely. Many couples will also incorporate regular screenings for these diseases, particularly if the relationship is polygamous.
- Health Conditions and Overall Health: When engaging in a more unusual sexual activity, many common health problems can cause large issues. Whether it’s asthma, blood sugar problems, claustrophobia, or anything else, it’s important that your Caregiver knows about it well in advance. This way, he can avoid doing anything that will trigger any negative effects of your existing conditions.
- Emotional Issues/Triggers: These cover events that may have happened in the Little’s life which are likely to bring up negative emotions. This can include sensitive topics, such as rape, incest or racial abuse, or simply be a personal reaction to scenes, which require a little more attention and aftercare.
- Experience Level: Most good Caregivers will want to know how experienced their Littles are so that they can tailor the experience and make it as enjoyable as possible.
- Body Marks: With some kinds of BDSM play, permanent body marks are an option. This is something that needs to be set out right at the start as it is a clear breach if someone doesn’t consent to it.
- Fantasies: This can include specific details, such as the roles you might enjoy, places you’d like to roleplay, or simply fantasies that you’ve had in the past. Letting your Caregiver know in advance can let him naturally progress your scenes towards these fantasies and let you live them out in a safe way.
- Wants and Needs: These are simply things that the Little would like to get out of the scene or relationship. This helps shape the relationship and let the Caregiver begin to plan how things will work as time goes on.
After the basics are covered, there are many different forms a contract can take. For some couples, it’s important to lay out the expected roles and goals of each partner, and how they will interact with each other. This can take the form of a duty or to-do list, or a rough guide to what you expect from one another. Other couples may prefer to build a comprehensive list of preferences, rating each potential activity on a scale or outright removing them. Once the Caregiver has an idea of the Little’s preferences, they can plan out their interactions in a more spontaneous way but still be safe in the knowledge that they aren’t crossing any lines. These preferences can cover all kinds of things including:
- Different Levels of Sexual Interaction: None at all, light petting, light sexual activity, oral only, full sexual activity, etc.
- Restriction and Bondage
- Enforced Outfits
- Enforced Bedtimes
- Public Displays
The list goes on and on. Some are much more applicable to DD/LG relationships than others, but at the end of the day, your contract is what you make of it. If there’s ever been something you were interested in exploring, then making a note of it means that it can be discussed and if both parties are happy to explore in the future. Ranking these activities can also be a great help when planning out punishments. If your little loves spanking, and that’s the only way you punish her, then she’s likely to continue acting up to get more of what she enjoys!
Daddy and Mommy’s Rules
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Most Caregivers will enforce a set of rules for their Little to obey, just like a parent would do to a real child. These can be simple things, such as not answering back, to very specific examples like going to bed at a certain time. While these rules are actually a part of the scene, some couples like to lay these out in the contract as well for complete clarity. It’s up to you how you do this, although, in a lot of cases, a simple list on the wall will suffice.
No matter what form your contract takes, it’s important that both parties take it seriously. The contract serves not only as a guideline to what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationship, but also a declaration of trust in each other. You both trust that the contract will be upheld and that anything prohibited will be respected. This trust is the most important part of any BDSM relationship, so a breach of contract isn’t just a simple rule break. If you find your partner regularly breaching your contract, then it can be a sign of abuse, and you may want to think about leaving the relationship.
With a successful contract, you’ve laid the groundwork for a successful DD/LG relationship. Next is the fun part. Getting into it and enjoying yourself, safe in the knowledge that your boundaries will be respected!