DD/LG Aftercare

Posted by Devi Moretti on

Aftercare is probably the most overlooked part of our sex lives. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in a completely vanilla relationship or take part in some of the most extreme BDSM sessions possible. A little bit of TLC can work wonders after the sex is over. Not only does it help soothe any vulnerability or negativity away, but you can also learn from your experience and make the next session even better!

What Is Aftercare?

what is DDLG aftercare

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So, before we get into the details, let’s talk about what aftercare is. Just like any extra steps you need to take after dying your hair or exercising, aftercare is an extra step that we should all be taking after we finish having sex. With such a rush of endorphins and adrenaline during sex, our brains can experience some incredible highs. As soon as this is over, things can rapidly drop to normal, and we can experience a form of sadness or depression that many of us never even attribute to sex. Even in traditional relationships, many people can find themselves anxious or even tearful after sex.

Aftercare aims to alleviate these feelings and reassure everyone that they are loved and valued by their partners. This can range from simply cuddling or stroking your partner's hair, right up to massages or running your partner a nice warm bath. We all enjoy different things, and we all need different levels of aftercare. Thus, it’s important to communicate with each other and adapt to the other person’s needs.

This communication can also be used very constructively, especially when you try new things in the bedroom. Many of the negative feelings we experience post-sex are simply caused by emotions and opinions that we leave unsaid. Simply talking about what we enjoyed, what we didn’t, and what we would want to change next time can let both partners feel valued and listened to, putting many of these negative feelings to rest.

What’s Different about DD/LG Aftercare?

DDLG aftercare kit

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When your relationship is a little less vanilla, there are some extra considerations you should take in your aftercare. Most of the time, these will be focused on the submissive partner, although it’s important to note that the dominant partner may need their own aftercare too! Before you begin any scenes, you should discuss aftercare so that each person knows what they need to do to make their partner feel safe and valued once you’re coming out of the scene.

For Littles (the submissive partner, often referred to as the bottom), a very specific kind of aftercare will be required. Unlike traditional sex, a Little isn’t just coming out of an endorphin rush, they’re also coming out of a completely different headspace. It can be quite a scary and vulnerable time as you begin to return to your normal personality. Hence, it’s important that your partner is attentive, supportive, and provides enough comfort for you.

Sometimes, things turning sexual can be a massive thing for a Little, as sexual activity is usually only done by grown-ups. It can be an overwhelming time, so even after light sexual activity, some aftercare may be required.

If your Little isn’t quite ready to come out of Little Space, you should try to tailor your aftercare to their Little Age. This means making them feel comfortable in the same way you would someone of that age. You might want to add extra things to make them feel comfortable, such as their favourite stuffed toy (stuffie), pacifier, sippy cup, or even reading them their favourite story.

Why Is Aftercare So Important?

aftercare d/s

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It isn’t simply a matter of making your partner feel comfortable after sex. When acting out some scenes, the emotions felt by your Little can be incredibly intense. When things start to return to normal, the “drop” can be just as intense, and in some cases, almost comparable to the drop one might suffer after coming down from a drug high. If left to process these emotions on their own, it’s not uncommon for Littles to fall into a state of depression that can go on for several days if not addressed. Regularly allowing this to happen is a sure way to associate some pretty negative feelings with something that should be an enjoyable activity for you both.

Aftercare doesn’t just last five to ten minutes after you finish either! Some people prefer to withdraw into themselves after a session, needing time to process and think about what has transpired. It could be several days later that these emotions start to surface, and it’s important to make yourself available to your partner whenever these feelings come up.

Aftercare for Your Daddy

dom aftercare

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While it is less common, the dominant partner (often called the top) can experience a similar “drop” to their submissive. In most DD/LG relationships, it will still be the job of the Daddy to care for their Little following any sexual activity, but it’s important to give them the time to process and voice their emotions too. If both the Daddy and the Little find that they need a lot of aftercare following a scene, then sometimes it’s better to arrange a third party who can come and care for you both until things return to normal.

Long-Term Benefits of Aftercare

ddlg aftercare

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We shouldn’t focus all our efforts on the comfort we feel receiving aftercare at the moment. Being part of a relationship with proper aftercare can help you build a level of intimacy, bonding, and nurturing that’s hard to achieve in any other way. Knowing that your partner will always be there to help bring you back up after a scene can help you relax into your role a lot more, and you’ll have a much stronger sense of trust. Establishing a good aftercare routine is a great way to strengthen the relationship in the long term!

We all need different amounts of aftercare. Some of us are happy to carry on as normal as soon as a scene is over, while others can struggle with the emotions for days afterward. The most important thing to do is discuss it in advance and be completely honest with each other. With everything on the table, we can work out the best way to look after one another and enjoy our sexual activity as much as possible!

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